Friday, September 8, 2017

Dear Friend Who Ghosted Me; I'm Happy and I Hope You Are Too



I wanted to begin by saying that this post is outside the realm of what I usually write. It's not parenting, home or product related, but I think a lot of people can relate to this, and writing is therapeutic to me, so here we go.

Dear Friend Who Ghosted Me,




You know who you are, so we don't need to use names. As an adult, you don't expect friends to suddenly disappear out of nowhere, but that's exactly what happened. We went from hanging out every week to you suddenly avoiding my messages. When we did have plans, something always came up and you were unable to make it. You slowly phased me out of your life.

You were going through something that I didn't understand, but when I asked how you were doing you always told me things were fine. I'm not a mind reader and I had no idea the extent of your depression, your medical issues, or whatever else was going on. I would have listened. I would have been here for you in any way possible.

Because I didn't understand the extent of your depression, I didn't understand why you weren't there for me during the hardest time of my life. You didn't ask how I was doing, or seem to care. A few more broken plans and ignored messages later I messaged you to ask if you were mad at me about something. You always told me things were fine, so I had no idea you were going through something. If you remember, I went through severe postpartum anxiety and OCD followed by depression. I'm not ignorant to mental health issues and would have supported you in any way possible. What I went through this year didn't trump your depression, and vice versa. We could have supported each other- it wasn't a competition for who was going through the most.

When I asked what was wrong and why you hadn't talked to me in a while, you assumed that I didn't understand depression. You thought I was being selfish for asking where you've been, but I was only trying to understand. I decided to give you the space you needed, assuming you would eventually message me again.

It's been almost a year since we've seen each other in person, and months since we last talked. You recently deleted me from social media, which is this generation's equivalent to blocking my phone number. It's a clear sign that you want nothing to do with me any more, so here is the last thing I want to say to you:

I'm happy. I went through kind of a grieving period when you ghosted me, but I'm okay now. My life is good. I'm actually happier than I've been in a long time and I wish I could share it with you.

I have no ill feelings towards you, and should you ever decide that my friendship is valuable, I'll still be here. Maybe I shouldn't be, but I've never been one to hold a grudge. I don't regret our last conversation because I was being authentic and expressing how I felt for once. It's something I'm learning to do more. As an adult, I thought I could ask a friend if they're mad at me without losing them completely. I expected it to be a conversation about how both of us were feeling, and for us to come to a resolution. That resolution to you was ending the friendship.

One thing that hurts the most is that you weren't just a friend, you were family. Family to me, and family to my son. He remembers you, but doesn't say your name any more. He's still young and eventually he will forget you existed, and that makes me sad. I guess thats what ghosting is though- disappearing like a ghost.

I hope you're happy. Truly happy. I hope you had an amazing Summer full of day trips and little adventures. I hope fast food restaurants are giving you enough condiments at the drive thru window (you hate when they're stingy). I hope whatever friendships you choose to keep in your life are authentic and fulfilling. If you're still battling depression, I truly hope you're able to overcome it and come out the other side a happier person. If you ever see me in public, don't feel like you have to hide behind a clothes rack or duck into another aisle. You can silently walk by, or choose to say hi and I'll politely say hi back and continue on with my life, as I am now.

I'm okay, I'm happy and I hope you are too.

D

1 comment

  1. D thank you for this post. I am going thru the exact thing right now. I needed to read this to know i'm not alone. Yes the wounds are still fresh but they are healing.

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