Thursday, August 24, 2017

Molar Pregnancy Update- Last Blood Draw, Due Date Feelings & My Life Now



I'm sitting in my bed right now, headphones in listening to some songs by Sleeping At Last and calming myself after a long day. I figured this was a good time to update you all on my molar pregnancy experience and tell you how things are going now.

My molar pregnancy post has the most views to date out of all of my other blog posts. It is incredibly humbling and amazing to know that thousands of people have read my story, and continue to read it every day. If you haven't read it yet, you can see it HERE.


Medical Update

It's been 8 months since I found out I was pregnant and 6 months since my D&C. My HCG levels went to 0 pretty quickly after my D&C, and have stayed at 0 since. I've lost count of how many blood draws I've had in the last 8 months. If I had to guess I would say at least 20, but probably more. We did multiple blood draws when I was pregnant, draws after my D&C, then weekly draws, and finally monthly draws. Molar pregnancies can metastasis and spread to other parts of your body- which raises your HCG levels, so they monitor it closely. 

Medically I will be cleared to try to conceive again at the end of this month. Before we even consider that I am trying to get as healthy as possible.

Medically I can appreciate how unique this situation was. I pray that it never happens to me again, but I'm happy for the chance to spread awareness. 

Emotional Update

My OB called me personally a couple months ago to tell me I only had a couple of draws left and then they would stop "torturing" me. The needle isn't the hard part- I don't even feel it anymore. The hard part is going to the hospital every month and seeing women walking around with big pregnant bellies, or carrying their newborns. I've also had the pleasure of sitting across from pregnant women doing their glucose test at the same time as I'm getting my blood drawn. That's always fun- listening to them complain about how awful the drink is, not knowing that I would love to be in that situation.

My due date is approaching and I'm having mixed feelings. Its September 12th. Part of me feels like it's no big deal-after all I wasn't due with a baby, I was due with a mass of tumour like cells, but I can't stop thinking about the 8 weeks that I thought I was pregnant with a baby. About the clothes that I bought and had to pack away. I think about the soft muslin swaddling blankets that I bought and now have stored away in the closet. I regret signing up for the baby"freebies" in the mail, because now that my due date is approaching, I am being sent constant coupons, formula samples and emails to remind me of a baby that never was. Pro Tip: Don't sign up for the baby freebies early in your pregnancy.

I still remember exactly how I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I remember watching the line appear on the pregnancy test, and cry laughing in disbelief. I remember going and buying 5 more tests, and a digital test just to be sure. I didn't tell my husband for 3 days because I was trying to figure out a way to tell him. For 3 days it was my special secret. I remember the severe morning sickness. We were sure it was a girl because I was never sick with Mason. We picked a name.

My friends who were pregnant at the same time as me are all having their babies now. You know that feeling when you're running with someone and they run way ahead of you, and you're left in the dust yelling "hey, wait for me!". Thats how I feel. 

I'm terrified to try again. My body failed me once, what if it happens again? I had a perfect pregnancy with my son, and never expected anything less with this pregnancy. I knew people that have had miscarriages, but never thought I would join the club. It's something that happens to other people, but not me, right? Now that its happened, I know I will treat my next pregnancy completely differently. I probably won't even tell anyone until late in the pregnancy, because I couldn't bear to un-tell people again. The un-telling is the worst. If you've ever had to do it you know what I mean.


How It's Changed Me For The Better

My molar pregnancy changed me in ways I never expected. It allowed me to completely reevaluate my life and make some major changes that have benefited me in ways I could only dream of.

I began writing again, and writing is the greatest gift this awful experience could have given me. I took my already existing blog to the next level and have had some amazing opportunities since. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life, but when I went through this I realized that I wanted something completely different. I have collaborated with some amazing companies and can't wait to see where else my blog will take me. I also started freelancing again and got the greatest freelancing job I could have dreamed of. I never thought I would ever say that I write for a wedding magazine, but I'm doing it and loving every second of it. 

I'm also writing an E-BOOK (non molar pregnancy related) ! I'll talk lots more about that one another time ;)

In the midst of it all, I've come to realize what's most important to me in life, and WHO is most important. I want to thank all of my friends and family who have supported me through this awful experience, and continue to support me through my new career adventures.

If you're going through a molar pregnancy, just know that there is a light at the end. Whether the light is a new baby, a new career, becoming healthier, becoming more compassionate and aware, etc. You will come out of it exactly as you're supposed to.

Dedreanna

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