Thursday, October 6, 2016

Our Son Was Tied to His Bed at Daycare- And We Let Him Go Back

I've been wanting to write this post for a while, but had to wait until the situation was resolved before I could do so.

I'm just going to jump right into it. 

(Photo of us walking to daycare yesterday)


Over the summer, I was working from home one day as I always do, and received a call from social services. As any parent knows, you don't want to get a call from social services. Even though we have no reason to have them called on us (we don't even believe in spanking), my heart dropped into my stomach as she introduced herself. What could she possibly be calling for? 

She started off by saying that she had received a report from a daycare worker at Mason's daycare that one of his teachers "tied" him and another boy to their beds at nap time when they refused to sleep. She seemed just as horrified by it as I was. For those of you who don't know Mason, he's only 2 years old and so are the other kids in his class. I cried as she told me the details. Apparently another daycare worker came back from lunch and saw them, reported it, and the daycare worker who did it was fired. 

The woman from social services told me that the police were contacted and they would be looking into it to see if it's a chargeable offence, but this woman wouldn't be allowed to work with children again. 

It was such a hard thing to deal with, because we trusted this woman. She's around my age and I often inboxed her on Facebook asking if Mason was doing okay, and she was always super friendly and normal. Mason was always happy to see her every day. After I talked to social services, I went through my messages with her and saw that she actually messaged me after this incident asking if Mason was sleeping okay at home because he had been waking up during nap time. Of course I had no idea this happened at that time, but it really bothers me that she had the nerve to message me asking that after what she did. 

We didn't hear anything back for a while, so I contacted the police officer in charge of the case. He also has young children, so I felt comfortable that he was the one looking into things. He said that she had admitted to "tightly swaddling" the boys so they couldn't move or get up, and that she seemed to not understand that it was wrong to do. He said that we understand that you don't swaddle a 2 year old, but she didn't get that. In my opinion, if a 2 year old can't get out of a "swaddle", then it must have been pretty tight and restricting. He wasn't sure if this was something she could be charged for, but again advised that she wouldn't be able to work with kids again. 

To be honest, part of me really feels bad for her. She went to school for this, to be an Early Childhood Educator and now it was ruined with this incident. I truly believe that she had a moment of frustration and in that moment she wrapped him up, maybe hoping he would fall asleep, or just wanting a moment of peace. I'm not sure. I don't think she purposely wanted to hurt him. She's not a mother, so maybe she just genuinely didn't realize that you don't restrain a 2 year old like that. I pictured her crying when she got fired and when she got brought in for police questioning. I don't know if she actually did, but I imagine she did and for some reason it makes me really sad for her. It's awful to work so hard at a career and then make one stupid mistake and have it taken away from you. Part of me really wanted to see her charged by the police, but it wouldn't have changed anything. 

We talked to some friends and family about this and some suggested switching daycares. I immediately knew it wasn't something I wanted to do. His daycare acted accordingly and handled this situation quickly and properly. It wasn't hidden from us and no one tried to protect the daycare worker from being fired. The owner of the daycare has always been amazing to us, and she answered all of our questions, even though she was super pregnant at the time and dealing with a lot of her own stuff I'm sure. 

Mason has attended this daycare for over a year, and we feel comfortable with how they handle things. We like everyone who works there, we feel like they communicate well with us, and he has never had reservations about going back after this incident. We also love the curriculum there and the centre itself. It's always clean and welcoming. I think it would have been worse on him to switch him to another daycare where nothing is familiar. Bad things can happen at any location, and at least we know that if bad things happen here, it gets handled properly. 

Today I got a letter in the mail from social services. It states the following: 

" Detective ____ made me aware that during his interview with _____, she admitted to swaddling the children in such a way that they would not be able to get up. Due to _____'s disclosure and her taking ownership along with her being remorseful, no charges will be laid. However, with that being said, my file will be closing with a substantiation of physical abuse by ______. Therefore, _____ will no longer be working with the vulnerable sector." 

So, that's that. It's not something I would wish for anyone to experience. It happened right before our wedding, so in the midst of preparing for that, working full time, and just trying to keep our life together in general, it was definitely not something we wanted to deal with. I will not name his daycare, but we are so appreciative to them for taking the necessary action and contacting social services. I'm writing this in case any other parents ever go through the same thing, or in case those who know wonder why we keep him at this centre. One bad apple didn't ruin it for us and now that we have the final letter regarding this matter, I'm happy to put it behind us. 


16 comments

  1. Wow. Def a hard thing to face. Im glad the day care was upfront snd honest with you though, as a mom that is important to me.

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad they were upfront as well. It's the main reason we are keeping him at that location. Aside from this situation, the current staff is great, the owner is great, and I would still recommend this daycare to anyone.

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  2. I am so proud of you. You were so mature in the handling of this difficult situation and I admire you for your thoughts and consideration of the person involved. Instead of being hate filled and full of rage you took the high road. I am glad that Mason is doing well...and so is Momma!!!

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  3. The way you explained this was clear, engaging and responsible, Dedreanna. You're an excellent parent and writer and I just think you're one of the bravest people I know. It's not easy to share personal stories like this and still do everyone justice. It crossed my mind that this intense swaddling was probably something she saw someone else do. Being young and not a parent, she probably never thought it could be wrong. I hope she has learned from this.

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  4. WOW!! I can't even imagine, as a parent or as a childcare provider. Good for the other worker for reporting it! It really does sound like the daycare handled it well and I'm sure they are most appreciative for your trust in continuing to use them. Man, this stuff is rough to deal with but it sounds like you, too, handled it very well. Glad your little guy is doing well. :-)

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  5. Oh My....So sorry you had to go through that! I am not sure how I would have handled this situation but you seem to have done it in the most caring and thoughtful way possible.

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  6. I almost didn't want to open the post when I saw the title! My boy is 1 and shas been going to daycare since he was way younger. I don't know how i would take it!

    That said, good on you for not uprooting Mason and "punishing" the day care itself. They did right by you snd you did right by them.

    And while it is easy to feel bad for the girl, some mistakes just cost you too much.
    When i was preg, i was once dtopped off by a raxi driver who was epileptic and got an attack just as i was getting out. I was too scared and shaken at the time to report it - i just wanted to get away and be safe. But i still thank my stars that nothing worse happened and pray nothing happens. But i also didnt want to be the one that cost him his job. What if he had lil kids.
    Anyhow, i blabber.
    So glad to know Mason loves his daycare and that he is not too fazed by what happened.

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  7. I cannot imagine going through something like this and am inspired by how level headed and rational you were about the situation. It seems you definitely made the best decision for your son, which can be hard to do when dealing with such an emotional time. Thank you for sharing!

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  8. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. That is something that no parent should have to go through. And I think you handled it way better than I would have! Kudos to you momma and thank you for sharing this experience.

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  9. How sad for everyone involved...and scary!! You just never know. But I can see why you kept him in the daycare. You're doing awesome, mama!

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  10. Your son is lucky to have parents like you. So many people would have been angry about the situation, but you guys seemed to try really hard to see both sides of the story. I'm certainly not condoning what she did, but for some reason she truly seemed to think she wasn't doing something inappropriate. Good choice in keeping him there:)

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  11. Wow. I get chills just thinking about how I would feel if I got a phone call like that. I just can't believe anyone working with children as their career would ever think that was okay. Glad she won't be caring for children anymore. And I'm so glad your son is okay.

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  12. So sorry you had to experience such an awful situation. I am sorry for your little one as well. It is nice to hear that the daycare handled things in the right way. I am glad that everything turned out alright.

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  13. OMG! you handled this with so much more grace than I would have! I'm so glad the daycare did the right thing

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